Disney, we discussed this the other day. I explained to you, in what I thought was a fairly restrained and calm manner, why all these live action remakes were not a good idea.
Imagine my disappointment when I read you are now planning a live action version of Pinocchio.
Just to summarise, Disney, and in case any other readers are not quite clear, this means that the following films are now all either already on our screens as live action versions, or in the process of being made: Alice in Wonderland, Cinderella, Jungle Book, Pete’s Dragon, Beauty and the Beast, Mulan, Dumbo, Winnie the Pooh and now Pinocchio too. You could even add Maleficent into the mix since although strictly a retelling of the story from a different point of view, it is still essentially a remake of Sleeping Beauty.
Is this a game to you? Are you all sitting around in a big office playing remake roulette? Live action lottery? Let’s be frank, Pinocchio isn’t even that great a film in the first place. While Pinocchio himself is cute, and Geppetto adorable, the film drags and has about four natural ending points which you all ignored until it limps sadly to a close. It was not a box office success for you, and it’s easy to see why.
Cinderella was a wonderful live action adaptation, and I am sure Beauty and the Beast will be too, but you really need to stop flicking through the back catalogue and think of something new.
What’s next? Finding Nemo with Albert Brooks and Ellen DeGeneres dressed up as fish? Toy Story with Tom Hanks as a giant cowboy? I dread the answer, to be honest.
The internet is abuzz with casting suggestions, including Chris Colfer as either Christopher Robin for your Winnie the Pooh film, or Pinocchio himself. If Colfer has any sense he will steer well clear of either project, since he is neither a small boy nor made of wood. He’s written some fairly good children’s books though, might I suggest you adapt one of those into a movie?
Once upon a time, animators, writers and directors had this thing, it was called imagination. They used it to think of something new. You might like to try using yours, Disney, instead of forcing more live action remakes that nobody really wants to see.
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