So you know that big, important secret Snow and Charming are keeping from Emma? Well the good news is we find out what it is in this episode. The bad news is we have to hear it cryptically referred to about 856 times before it’s revealed. Also, we’re provided with more evidence that True Love is malarkey and our heroes are idiots. Let’s begin.
A mother’s bond: Flashback to the end of the Charmings’ honeymoon. They return to their castle to find everyone under a sleeping curse. Maleficent and her two magical BFFs are there to make a deal… sort of. They know Regina has the Dark Curse and scared of what she’s going to do with it, they urge the Charmings to visit the Tree of Wisdom. This macguffin will answer any question posed by two valiant heroes. When the Charmings ask how to defeat the curse, the tree knocks them back without answering. Maleficent theorizes this is because the child Snow is carrying could be either hero or villain and is thus tainting her “valiant hero” status. Alone with Snow, Maleficent reveals something else: she’s also pregnant. The witch tries appealing to Snow’s maternal instincts, asking her to join forces so they can defeat the Dark Curse. But Snow refuses because doing so would mean compromising who she and Charming are or something.
Light tentacled: After a nightmare where the Queens of Darkness exact revenge for the undisclosed terrible thing Snow and Charming did to Maleficent, Snow wakes to discuss their predicament with her hubby. In the morning, Cruella and Ursula get on Regina’s bad side when they jokingly refer to her former evil self in front of Henry. Kicked out of Granny’s without their morning coffee, Ursula says a suggestive hello to Hook and then she and Cruella visit Belle at the pawn shop. While distracting her with congratulations about destroying the Dark One, Ursula uses her tentacles to steal a box for Rumple. He’s currently hiding out under the library where we last saw the Dragon Maleficent.
Another one bites the dust: Suspicious and paranoid, Charming snags Emma to tail Ursula and Cruella around town. Unable to stand not knowing why they were in the pawnshop, he pulls them over and finds the box they pilfered from Belle. He pockets it but lies to Emma saying he found nothing. However, he and Snow theorize that this totem could be used to resurrect Maleficent so they decide to get rid of her ashes to prevent this. Arriving underneath the library, they find the ashes very neatly piled together but are knocked out via tentacle.
Secret, secrets are no fun…: In the continuing trope of good being stupid, we learn that the totem from Gold’s shop was just a way to lure the Charmings down into the cavern. Cruella uses blood from the two royals to resurrect her friend who comes back in dragon form and then in her Angelina Jolie costume. She’s back with a vengeance, looking forward to torturing the Charmings for their still unrevealed slight against her. Seemingly out of options, the royal duo decide to tell Emma their big SECRET… until they overhear her telling Hook about how much she admires them. Unable to shatter this illusion, they instead just tell Emma that, as usual, the villains are out to get them because they’re heroes.
Secret, secrets hurt someone: Having enjoyed last week’s late night meeting in the rain, Snow this time meets up with Regina to ask her to go undercover with the witches to find out their dastardly plan. And now we finally learn the secret: Snow and Charming caused Maleficent to lose her baby.
In Operation Mongoose news, Henry and Regina’s latest brilliant idea is to get Child Pinocchio to look over the pages of the fairy tale book. When that fails, they bring Emma around to jog his memory about how he added his own story to the book, which also doesn’t work. That’s when Regina flips out a little and everyone peaces out to cool down. She later apologizes to Gepetto for kind of harassing his adorable ginger son. In return, he gives her August’s old motorcycle bag.
Shouldn’t the magic of the Dark One’s dagger be alerting Belle that Rumple has returned to town? Doesn’t it have a magical alarm on it or something?
After Regina suggests her jewelry is cheap, Cruella hautily replies, “These are blood diamonds I’ll have you know!”
Cruella to Charming, saying what we’re all thinking: “If only your wits matched your looks.”
I assume a honeymoon baby is the fear of many newlyweds but finding out you’re going to have a child who could be wicked would definitely add a new suitcase full of fear.
Captain Swan hits rough waters this week when Hook refuses to come clean about the nature of his past relationship with Ursula. Eventually Emma confesses it’s not Hook’s past with Ursula that bothers her; it’s Hook’s lying to her that’s the issue.
In one of the final scenes of this episode we see that Belle has moved on from Rumple and into the arms of resident cutie, Will. Unacceptable Once! You mean to tell me that somewhere between 6-12 weeks after banishing her True Love/husband from town, Belle has rebounded with the Wonderlander who definitely is supposed to be with the wonderful Emma Rigby aka Anastasia who was/is his True Love/wife? Don’t proclaim the power of True Love with every other breath and then try to tell me this is okay.
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