Last week I mentioned how our heroes were idiots. That might’ve seemed a bit harsh. Then again, this week they’re dumbfounded, tricked, and completely out of their depth all while the villains march along pretty brazenly, if slowly, to victory. Worst of all is one recently redeemed hero who is infuriatingly shucked back into the moron zone. All this while our villains prove mostly harmless and the plot crawls forward, only outpacing Operation Mongoose in its wake. Leave your intelligence and high hopes at the door as we “Enter the Dragon.”
Dragon age: Flashback. Rumple catches his student, Regina, reading Maleficent’s spell book and chomping at the bit to exact revenge on practically perfect Snow White. The Dark One urges patience so Regina can build up her power but she’d rather take her chances learning from Maleficent. Upon arriving at the dragon lady’s castle she finds her druggy, hung over. Seems Maleficent’s in a funk because of her failure to kill Briar Rose, Aurora’s mom. While wandering home, Regina happens upon an invite to Aurora’s wedding and brings it to Maleficent in the hopes of firing her up. After being captured by King Steffan and seeing Regina about to be killed, Maleficent does find her inner dragon and then sleeping curses Aurora. Returning to Rumple, Regina says she’s now got the idea to take away the things Snow loves, starting with her prize pony, as a better means of revenge than death.
Blame it on the a-a-a-a-a alcohol: An evil wind gives Regina some extra swagger as she meets up the Queens of Darkness in their super secret hideout: Granny’s. Maleficent, looking like a woman out of time in her 1920s getup (where did she get those clothes by the way?) doesn’t buy Regina’s plea that she had to “play nice to survive.” But then Regina does a shot and crushes the glass and she’s in. Meanwhile, Emma is rightly concerned when her parents explain the undercover Regina plan, especially since Regina missed her appointed check in time. She’s busy being tested by her evil BFFs by playing and failing a pointless game of chicken because she saves them from being crushed by a train. Maleficent insists she’s just rusty at being… suicidal?
Women on the prowl: In the middle of their freak out because Regina still hasn’t checked in, the Charmings find a burned cop car. Then Regina emerges out of the forest alone. She explains about her initiation back into the villainess sorority but doesn’t have any intel on what the witches are up to. The Charmings apparently thought Regina only needed one night with the ladies to figure out their master plan, once again proving they are idiots. Then again, it may be that the women don’t really know the plan themselves, as when they visit Rumple in his cabin getaway they discuss only a vaguely defined idea to start a war in Storybrooke.
The man they need: Thankfully, Maleficent visits Regina alone to tell her about their hunt for the Author and their happy endings, which the Mayor then relays to “the entire Charming softball team and their pirate mascot.” Emma invites herself along to whatever shenanigans are supposed to go down tonight, which turns out to be kidnapping Pinocchio to force him to give them information about the Author. Regina does the first part, even brushing off Emma’s attempt to ruin everything along the way, but is a little taken aback to discover Rumple has returned. The Dark One transforms Pinocchio back into a real life man. Hello August!
Burying the lead: Earlier in the evening, Hook interrupted a dessert date between Belle and Will to talk privately with the Beauty about the Dark One’s dagger. He wants to “bury” it to ensure it stays out of any witchy hands. They dig up the dagger from its current spot but Belle worries her hubby might already be in town so Hook suggests she command Rumple to “come face” her. She does and while she’s looking the other way like an idiot, Hook turns to face her. Confirming that this is the return of stupid Belle, she doesn’t see him and leaves. Hook reveals for all of us who missed that obvious hint he’s Rumple and now he’s got the dagger. Keeping his dashing disguise, he later asks Belle for details about her new relationship and kind of gets to cop a feel by asking her to swear a “pirate’s oath” about what they did that night.
- Seeing Eion Bailey’s name in the opening credits definitely spoiled the surprise ending for me. Anyone else?
- Me to Regina during the Queens of Darkness’ game of chicken: “Poof yourself out and leave them to die.”
- Maleficent could seriously be Zelena’s half sister, at least in terms of fashion choices.
- So was the wind in this episode by choice to represent the winds of change/evil/darkness or was Vancouver just super blustery during this shoot?
- Operation Mongoose and Operation Make Henry Relevant continues with this riveting revelation from the kid himself: “I think this door somehow has something to do with the Author.”
- When will Once just accept Emma’s “superpower” is complete trash and finally stop trying to convince us it’s a thing?
- Why would King Steffan capture Regina in the first place? Isn’t she a legit queen in another kingdom?
- Is anyone else bothered that three presumably cunning women, four if we count Regina, “need” a man (Rumple) in order to carry out their dastardly plan?
- Comedy Central May Have Canceled Drunk History But Host Derek Waters Hopes Season 7’s Episodes Aren’t Lost Forever - September 2, 2020
- Watch Stranger Things, Bird Box, When They See Us, And More On Netflix Without A Subscription - September 1, 2020
- Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Delivers An Excellent Series Finale: “The End Is At Hand” And “What We’re Fighting For” - August 13, 2020