Tickle-me Dough Face: Glee Counts Down The Top 9 Character Nicknames

Photo: Fox
Photo: Fox

We’re rumbling on toward the last ever Glee and Fox are determined to make sure we don’t forget it – we are getting songs released early, sneak peeks and of course, The Final Countdown.

We’ve been getting these little half minutes for a couple of weeks, and they’re sweet and funny reminders of what was great about Glee. I appreciate what the network is doing to make this truncated, disordered final season fun for us, but just think if they had put this much effort into the actual show…

The exceptionally photogenic Darren Criss, who is often the face of Glee BTS, reminds us that there are only nine – yes nine – episodes of Glee left, so they have made a “Top 9 Nicknames” clip. See what they did there?

Top of the little is the cute but slightly offensive “Tickle-me Dough Face”, one of three nicknames offered by Sue to Kurt. No wonder he chose Porcelain.

Next we have “Frankenteen” for the rather large Finn Hudson. It suited him perfectly, and the late, great, wonderful Cory Monteith even had the name on his Twitter account. “Young Burt Reynolds” is another Sue classic, this time for Blaine; and he adores it. Who wouldn’t? Pre-plastic surgery Reynolds was awesome.

“Porcelain” made the list too, as did “Sandbags” for Santana – a rather dull play on her name I would say – and “RuPaul” for Rachel. Perfect nickname is perfect.

Tina’s favourite name for Blaine, “Blaineydays” made the list too, as did Sue’s “Samgelina Jolie” for Sam. “Busted Timberfake” for Will rounds out the list, but where is Snixx for Santana? “Little Miss Golden Marmoset” for Emma? And “Butt Chin” for Will, the best of them all.

I think Blaine has the largest number of nicknames, due to his sweet face, cupcakey-ness or superiority in all things vocal. Or maybe because of the way he dresses, I don’t know. I missed seeing “Borat” on the list though, or “Young Orville Redenbacher” and “Fruity Fonzie”. Oh Blaine, America’s Gay Sweetheart, how we will miss you.

Becca Tobin hosted “Top 10 Wacky Outfits”, and boy did Glee have a lot to choose from here, namely from the wardrobe of Mr Kurt Hummel. However, Blaine strikes again with his awesome Robin outfit from “Dynamic Duets”, then comes Glee’s worst couple of all time, Jesse and Rachel, dressed as a hamburger and cupcake…

Blaine’s red, feathery diva outfit isn’t so much “wacky” as “downright gorgeous” but it is nice to see it all the same, while Kurt’s dinosaur onesie from season five is just cringe worthy. The Lady Gaga episode gave us quite few outfits, not surprisingly, including Quinn’s divine pink and white ensemble with gorgeous long pink lashes.

Rachel’s Beanie Baby frock was there too, as well as Finn and Kurt’s red and silver costumes; the fact that they looked uncomfortable to wear made them all the more fun to watch, let’s be honest. Blaine’s Gaga outfit, though, was the wackiest of them all. I don’t know if it was the long blond wig or the half pants-half shorts trousers, but ridiculous as it was Criss still made it work.

Kurt’s season two prom outfit, with the kilt, isn’t really “wacky” so much as, well, Scottish; but maybe the “gay Braveheart” look is wacky for Lima, who knows?

“Top 11 Dance Numbers” is next, hosted by the lovely Vanessa Lengies. I miss Sugar Motta, and want her back, please. “This Is The New Year” is first; I honestly didn’t know so many people liked that song, but the awesome “Thriller” is next, one of my favourite Glee scenes ever, and we also get early platonic Klaine watching from the bleachers. Who could ask for more?

“Shout” was a really great song, and although a little odd the choreography was fab, but I think “Toxic” was a little too dull to be on the list. “Born This Way” though – I am so happy it’s in the top 11, and not just because Kurt has his shirt ripped off. Nope, not at all.

I love Naya Rivera’s singing and dancing, and her performance in “Rumour Has It/Someone Like You” was fantastic. “Paradise By The Dashboard Light” is next, and yes, it is wonderful but oh, how I miss Cory.

There’s more from the “Michael” episode with “You Should Be Dancing” – remember those air splits from Blaine? I bet Criss does. I’m surprised that “You Can’t Stop The Beat” is on the list, but delighted to see “Love Is A Battlefield”. Darren Criss and Chris Colfer fencing and fighting with shields and swords? Yes please. Also, Colfer is in a tank top.

Rivera is back with the season five version of “Valerie” which rounds off the list, the song was just adorably cute and really fun to watch. But wait, what about Will’s breakdancing in “Busta Move” and “Ice Ice Baby”? What of the Vitamin D-fuelled frenzy of “Walking On Sunshine/Halo”? Can we have a list of Glee dance numbers without “Roar” or “Safety Dance” or (gasp) “Single Ladies”?

We will bring you more of The Final Countdowns as they are released, but remember we only have a few weeks left – and make sure you check in at 4YE every Friday for our Glee recaps. It is almost the end, dear friends, and we need to savour every bit of Glee-fulness that we can.


Sara Hunter Smith