The Winner of ‘The Voice’ Season Seven Is….

Photo: NBC
Photo: NBC

Welcome folks to The Voice finale!

It has been a very long and very okay season. (I’m still pissed they removed the Confessionals.) I don’t know if it’s the contestants or what, but I just pretty much gave up on it halfway through. I know who I want to win: Craig Wayne Boyd. I really want him to win. If not him, then I would like Matt McAndrew to win.

And this, as usual, will be dragged out until the absolute last minute.

It’s going to end up being Chris Jamison, who has just baffled me this season. I just don’t see what’s so freaking special about him. It’s like the producers just want to package and sell the most non-threatening contestant they could find.

All I can say is that I really, really missed Usher. Can he come back for season nine?

On the upside, Fall Out Boy is performing tonight, and I do love me some Fall Out Boy because Patrick Stump is precious and hot all at the same time.

I don’t know who else is performing tonight so this should be a fun surprise.

Let’s get on with the show then.

“Pompeii” sung by The Top 20: They all do the background chants well, but those individual harmonies are so, so bad. I say this as someone who legitimately loves the song and has not been annoyed by it yet. Also, I’m horribly confused as to why a carousel is there. Once all of their voices join it’s pretty good. It should have no individual singing for the first part. The second part was vastly improved.

Adam? Why are you wearing a tie? It looks like you’re about to go to a semi-formal with your date. Blake is one cowboy hat away from being an extra in Tombstone. I love it.

“Keep Your Hands To Yourself” sung by Craig Wayne Boyd, DaNica Shirey, Sugar Joans, and Taylor Brashears: Craig brought  back his favorite ladies to sing with him. This is really good. I don’t even hate Sugar here. All of them sound really, really good. And Sugar, DaNica, and Taylor are clearly having a lot of fun with the song. They’re just beating on him. This is great; hilarious and fun. It’s exactly what you would expect from Craig.

“Take Me To Church” sung by Hozier: Oh damn. Hozier is here and not playing around. He just has this really amazing voice that can go so deep and lift you up to somewhere higher. He has such a finesse in dealing with it and I love it so much. The whole song has this aching quality to it. Matt McAndrew’s version may have led me to this song, but God own the original because it’s amazing. This whole performance is just gorgeous with the light show and the stained glass looking at album artwork behind them. And then the voice…I mean wow. I just seriously love this song and this musician and this performance.

“Dedication to My Ex” sung by Chris Jamison, Luke Wade, Ricky Manning, Taylor Phelan, and Ryan Sill:  Five guys singing and I only like one of them. I also hate this song. In order to save my sanity, I am muting this because I cannot listen to it. I’m sorry. I can’t. I give up.

“Centuries” sung by Fall Out Boy with Matt McAndrew: YEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!! This is the best pair-up since Fall Out Boy sang with Michelle Chamuel back in season four. Bring Patrick Stump or Pete Wentz to be a coach next. THIS IS AMAZING! The fact that Matt can vocally keep up with Patrick is also to be commended. Patrick Stump has the craziest voice in the business. I also dig the hell out of the song. GOD THAT WAS AWESOME! I’M SO HAPPY THIS HAPPENED!

Now they’re making Pharrell into a Jedi Master. This amuses me.

“Bang Bang” sung by Voice Ladies: This is also really awesome. It’s kind of got that Lady Marmalade vibe from Moulin Rogue. It sounds like they’re secret mobsters who will go all Fish Mooney on you. It’s super awesome and kick ass. God it sounds like they’re going to go bathe in the blood of men who have pissed them off. Can I have a copy of this performance? I want the copy of this performance. This is awesome.

“Uptown Funk” sung by Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars: OH BRUNO HAS CURLERS IN HIS HAIR! I was wondering what the fuck was in his hair. Why are there curlers in his hair? I mean I’m focusing on his hair because this song is freaking awesome as always. God this has that nasty, dirty funk-a-delic sound that I just love. I’m just thrown by the curlers. This is just amazing. I love it. If you haven’t bought this song yet THEN GO OUT AND GET IT! I also love the synchronized dancing. This is definitely amazing. Outside of the curlers, this is a great performance.

Now we cut to the finalists holding a Christmas concert for their fans that is actually really sweet to do. And they all get a brand new car! Awww Craig is such a sweet father! He wanted the family car for them to have!

“Sweet Home Alabama” sung by Lynyrd Skynyrd and Craig Wayne Boyd: This is also a really perfect partnership. This is beautiful and awesome. God this is the kind of song that Craig was made for singing. I dig the hell out of this. And he’s so charming interacting with everyone! God I love this song and Craig. This is just freaking awesome. Its just perfection and I adore it. THIS IS HOW YOU PAIR UP A CONTESTANT WITH AN ARTIST! This is awesome as hell and Blake is enjoying it.

“Lips Are Movin’” sung by Meghan Trainor: I really like this song a lot. That’s not a lead up for me to disparage the performance. I just really like this song. It’s a lot of fun and Meghan is awesome. The dancers are really fun and this aesthetic is really cool. I just really enjoy the song. They are pretty on point tonight music wise. I’m enjoying the hell out of it.

“It’s Your World” sung by Jennifer Hudson and Damien: Figured it was Jennifer Hudson who gave Damien his most recent and peppiest song today. Thank God. The two of them sound really good together and play off of each other well. It’s a really good pairing. Jennifer and Damien keep trying to out high note each other. I love it so much.

Now it’s time to talk about how sweet Gwen is and her love of fashion.

“Thinking Out Loud” sung by Ed Sheeran: Can Ed also be a coach? I would love to see a season of Ed Sheeran being a coach. I love this song and I love Ed. There’s really nothing much more to say here. It’s great because it’s freaking Ed Sheeran. He puts so much raw emotion into his performances. I can’t really say much more except this is a simple and mellow performance.

“Go Your Own Way” sung by Matt McAndrew, Taylor Phelan, Mia Pfirrman, Taylor John Williams, and Sugar Joans: Okay so Sugar has been surprising me tonight. I’m feeling a bit more optimistic about this performance. This is a good performance. It’s more of a group effort then focusing on individuals. This helps smooth over some issues I have with individual voices and allows for a greater enjoyment of the song. It’s a great collaboration.

“Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” sung by Damien, Anita Antoinette, Elyjuh Rene, and DaNica Shirey: DAMN DAMIEN! You are just taking back all the chances to have some happy songs tonight. And this is a really group to have together. The song is just built to compliment multiple voices. All of them sound really good together. It’s also really clear they are just having fun. It seems to be par the course for the night. This is one of the more enjoyable finales I have ever seen. If Damien had a few more songs like this, then I probably would have liked him a lot more.

“Masterpiece” sung by Jessie J and Chris Jamison: Hello Voice UK former coach, Jessie J. I’ve heard this song a few times and liked it well enough. Actually all of the pair-ups between celebs and the finalists were good ones. Chris is well matched for Jessie. Both of them rather compliment each other well. It’s not bad not as good as Matt, Craig, or Damien’s performances but still very good. I enjoyed it a lot more then Chris’ group performance.

Now it’s time for Blake’s cut together package. Are the going…I can’t believe they’re cutting Blake clips together over ‘U Can’t Touch This’. This is fascinating.

“Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” sung by Adam Levine, Blake Shelton, Pharrell Williams, and Gwen Stefani: This is a really sweet tune. All of the coaches look fantastic. They sound fantastic. The stage is gorgeous. I have to give kudos where they are due. It’s a really great performance sung by a group of talented people. Also Pharrell looks really cute in his bowtie.

So now we get to FINALLY find out who won!

In FOURTH PLACE is…DAMIEN!

Not that big of a surprise.

In THIRD PLACE is…CHRIS JAMISON!

THANK YOU GOD! Oh man. Faith restored!

The RUNNER UP is…MATT MCANDREW!

THE WINNER OF THE VOICE IS…CRAIG WAYNE BOYD!

I WAS HOPING YET NOT EXPECTING THIS! OHMYGOD THANK YOU! He really does deserve this win. Craig is just amazing and sweet and look at his little boy. This was awesome!

I’ll see you in season eight folks! BOOM!

Bec Heim
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