Hello dear friends and welcome to the elimination episode of Movie Week on The X Factor. Who will go home? And will it be Stevi? If not, why not?
The contestants opened the show with a truly horrific rendition of Clean Bandit’s “Rather Be”. One or two of them sounded fine (Jack and someone else) but the rest was like a group of drunk freshers doing karaoke for the first time. Not pretty.
Two musical guests again tonight, Ed Sheeran and One Republic. I love Ed, and not just because he’s ginger and from Suffolk. Ed sang “Thinking Out Loud”, one of my favourite songs of his. His performance was breath-taking, made all the more so by the thousands of lights from the audience. Ed’s so talented yet unpretentious, and so many acts in the competition could learn from him. Also, he loves Andrea’s “pug thing”. Bless.
One Republic were better on stage than in their videos, which is to say that they weren’t completely boring. The song was insipid though. They should’ve performed last night with the rest of the dullards.
Mel said that “it’s been fun and games but Stevi should go”. Mel, I love you and want to marry you. Simon said Lola sounded worse on playback than live. Boo.
The contestants eventually crept onto the stage like cows out of the barn in winter (yes yes I’m a farmer’s daughter, okay?). It was TIME FOR THE ELIMINATIONS. Ooh.
It looked like there were a lot more than 14 acts on stage, I suppose it was the Stereo Kicks lot. It will all look much tidier when they’ve gone home.
I was very happy that Lauren, Jack and Lola both got through, although Lola does need to work on her confidence. Stevi will return next week. I just cannot believe he’s being voted back. I suppose that sexist, frustrated middle-aged dads must be the “in” thing these days. Who knew?
I seem to remember some inordinately intelligent person writing yesterday that the bottom two would be Jake and Only The Young. Now, who was that? Yes, ‘twas me! Two of the worst acts from Saturday night were in the sing-off. If Stevi can’t be there, I’m happy that these two are.
Jake was up first and sang an awful version of “Red” by Daniel Merriweather. He wailed agreeably on the chorus but his voice was so shaky on the verse you could barely hear the words. I felt sorry for him, poor lad. I’m sure he’ll be able to take his clothes off soon and feel better.
Only The Young sang an Abba song. Yes, Abba. “The Winner Takes It All” to be precise. Poor choice, they sounded very bad indeed.
Lulu, of course, sent home Jake; he mentors Only The Young after all. Poorly, but still.
Simon, effusive as ever, said that he was confused by the awful performances by all acts in the sing-offs for the last weeks. He has a point. He sent home Jake, as he thinks Only The Young have “potential”.
Cheryl fretted as well, saying she loved both acts but that she had to send Jake home. Oh dear. With three votes already Mel didn’t get a chance to vote.
I think Jake had a lot of talent, but wasted it with his attitude and arrogance. People who are that narcissistic always end up losing out. He may not have a career as a singer, but I’m sure we’ll be seeing quite “a lot” of him in the future. Almost all of him, actually.
There we go my dears, another The X Factor weekend over and another act sent packing. Next week, fittingly for Hallowe’en, we’re down to 13 contestants. A few weeks after that we’ll be into the top ten, that’s when things get really interesting!
Please vote in our poll below and let us know if you agree with the judges’ decision. I’m looking forward to the day when it’s Stevi’s name in the bottom two. Soon, my friends, soon.