Dance Off OUTRAGE! It’s Strictly Week 5 Results

Dance Off OUTRAGE! It's Strictly Results Week 5
Credit: BBC

 

My blue touch paper has been lit, you might wish to stand well back as I’m about to blow. This post will contain A LOT of capitals and excessive use of exclamation points.

Tonight’s Strictly results show opened with a Barn Dance, which I thought really fun but now seems entirely irrelevant given the TRAVESTY that then took place.

It’s the same every week, isn’t it? They put a couple near the top through, then a few from the mid table followed by (if applicable) someone from the bottom of the table. This week that was Scott and Joanne.

Now, Scott is growing on me, I’ll admit. I don’t loathe him as much as I did and he seems like quite a nice chap. Joanne is an adorable little lamb and they have a lovely partnership but this doesn’t alter the fact that HE CANNOT DANCE.

The first couple announced as being in the dance off was Thom and Iveta. I don’t even know where to start with explaining why this is so wrong, but seeing as only intelligent people read my work, it really shouldn’t need elaboration.

Thom has steadily improved week on week and he has totally fallen in love with dancing (read Iveta) and it has been wonderful to see.

So that’s annoying point number one. At this point, we are fervently praying that Judy and Anton are going to be the other couple in the dance off, but there’s no time to find out as it’s over to Boy George who sings Karma Chameleon like he’d rather be anywhere else. To be honest, having been ridiculously over excited for his performance, we would rather he had been anywhere else too. His voice sure ain’t what it used to be. That’s annoying point number 2 right there. The shattering of childhood dreams.

It’s back to the lovely Tess who puts through another selection of couples until we’re left with Simon and Kristina, Mark and Karen and Judy and Anton. In a moment of UTTER STUPIDITY, Judy and Anton are saved. Mark looks like he’s about to faint and/or throw up, and when he is then saved he bursts into tears, poor little lamb.

Annoying point number 3, or as I like to call it, THE MOST DUMB DECISION IN THE HISTORY OF EVER: Our dance off couples are Simon and Kristina and Thom and Iveta.

Ultimately, I would have saved Thom but there really wasn’t anything in it at all. Simon has more talent than we’ve seen, I’m sure of it, but Thom has strived to improve.

Now for my soapbox moment: THE VOTING BRITISH PUBLIC ARE FOOLS!!!!!!!!

Strictly NEED to change their voting stance. Instead of voting for who we want to save, we should vote for who we want in the dance off so then I can rack up an enormous bill voting Judy out, and we can save ourselves from this RIDICULOUSNESS. That way, if someone good ends up in the bottom two we can still huff about it but ultimately we know that they have been voted into that spot. Instead, we get this situation where UTTER MORONS vote for the really terrible dancers to go through because they think it’s funny or something.

THIS IS A DANCE COMPETITION, PEOPLE!!!!! VOTE ACCORDING TO HOW WELL PEOPLE DANCE!!!!

I leave you with my after party, which is actually more like an incredibly angry rant. See you all next week!

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