Alright folks! Welcome to the Semi-Final results show!
Now the Voice Save is out of commission because…wait. What? The Voice executive producers are still using the Save? Well that’s a load of bull hockey.
Okay. Sorry. Well apparently there will be a Voice poll tonight. Jesus Christmas on a tap-dancing cracker I thought we were finally going to get rid of Christina Grimmie.
I’m calling it now. Kat and Kristen are probably going to head home. Despite Kristen clearly being the rightful third spot contestant because she earned her votes honestly through singing well and emoting.
I am so calling it now.
Alright let’s do this thing.
“Rewind” sung by Rascal Flatts: I’m not that big of a fan of Rascal Flatts. I also kind of hate this song. So I’m going to be glad when it’s over. That’s all that I’m saying there.
Now it’s time to see the first Finalist saved.
JAKE WORTHINGTON MOVES ONTO THE SEASON FINALE!
FUCK YEAH JAKE! Awww his buddies are going insane in the audience. I am so proud of this boy! YOU GO FOR IT BUDDY!!!
I love the Confessional. It makes me so happy. Usher wanted to be a magician if he couldn’t be a singer. Josh does the finger trick. Usher makes himself disappear. Everyone makes fun of Adam’s platinum blonde hair. Shakira wants bigger boobs. Everyone tries to stick their fingers in their mouths to whistle. Josh wants basketball skillz (with a z). Blake apparently has a mean hook shot. Nothing put net from Shakira. Kristen does a basketball trick for us all.
Adam said that it was an off week for the girls on his team. Shakira thinks it would be amazing for Kristen to move onto the Finals. The strategy for Josh Kaufman is to be consistent according to Usher. Blake compares Jake moving on to his kid graduating from high school.
“Broken Ones” sung by Jacquie Lee: Oh God it’s you. I was not a fan of Jacquie Lee last season. And I’m not feeling her new song. So that is all you need to know about this performance.
Ed Sheeran, adorable British ginger, comes back to announce that he’s performing on next week’s finale. He also announces his next album.
“Eye of the Pyramid” sung by Will Champlin: Finally something not totally depressing. Thank you Will Champlin. I love the beat and awesome guitar chords throughout it. It was definitely a blood pumper of a song.
JOSH KAUFMAN MOVES ONTO THE FINALE!
YAY! JOSH IS GOING TO KICK SO MUCH ASS!
Also goddammit, Kristen is really going home isn’t she?
“Everything Reminds Me Of You” sung by Tessanne Chin: As always Tessanne sounds absolutely gorgeous. The song is not my cup of tea but it was still a pretty tune none of the less. Tessanne held it clear and true with her trademark power and grace.
“Blown Away” sung by Kristen Merlin: As always Kristen delivers the performance with her trademark emotional style. She puts everything that she has into her voice. God I really, really want her to stay. She just sounds so pretty. Blake admits to having a soft spot for Kristen and that he loved seeing her grow with Shakira. He is pulling for her to stay. Shakira says that Kristen’s ability to tell a story and her emotional intensity should get her to the finale.
“Good Girl” sung by Kat Perkins: I am not even commenting on this performance because we all know she’s going home. I will not miss your pitch issues, Kat. Usher says that Kat comes out swinging like a vicious cat. He loves her comfortableness with the stage and calls her an incredible vocalist. Adam says that she keeps digging herself out of the hole and focuses just on the performance.
“Apologize” sung by Christina Grimmie: Pitch. OhmyGOD STAY ON PITCH! I keep hearing her pitch issues and it’s driving me insane. And she’s going to stay because the Save is a Twitter popularity contest and she is winning that game. This is what drives me crazy. Adam says that if they get Christina to the finals then she will win. She just needs to get there in order to win.
Stop delaying the inevitable Carson.
AMERICA INSTANTLY SAVES CHRISTINA GRIMMIE!
Dammit there’s one person every season isn’t there?
Anyway see you next Monday for the Voice finale!
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