Are you all steady after the season six news that Ryan Murphy and company had dumped on us today? If you’re not, then grab a paper bag and take deep calming breaths into it. Your recapper has work to do.
Previously on Glee, Rachel drops out of NYADA after Carmen read her to rights (leading to the fandom applauding) and takes personally any attempts to help her. Kurt tells her to screw herself, gets bashed by some homophobes after standing up to them, has a great scene with Burt, and reminds us all that he’s the best damn character in this show. Sam and Mercedes get together (kind of), break up because of music industry racism, and then decide to ignore the haters and get together officially.
Meanwhile, I deeply miss the only other sane character this season outside of Kurt, Elliott. Please bring Adam Lambert back.
This week on Glee deals with tests: emotional, relational, and sexual. It’s part of growing up. Relationships deal with strain and jealousy. You learn to always use protection and always get tested. This has to do with this strange new adult Glee with having grown-up conversations about relationships and stuff that smells suspiciously like character development. I, for one, am shocked that such things can still occur.
Also I think we’re going to see Chris Colfer do his sai sword twirling tonight. So I’m going to be a very, very happy person. Between that, potential Klaine troubles, and glorious 80’s cheesy song choices? I’m game.
Let’s do this!
Stage Combat Of Love (On With The Cronuts!): Blaine has been enjoying the New York food scene. And why not? New York has an amazing food scene! His favorite food, though, is cronuts. All the cronuts lead to Blaine splitting his pants due to gaining the Freshmen Fifteen. Meanwhile, Kurt is being hailed as a hero for saving someone and is being noticed as a legitimately hot guy. This leads to Blaine feeling really insecure because he used to be the top dog. Now, around Kurt, he feels like he’s invisible and undesirable. Kurt feels great, however. For the first time, he feels confident in his body and in himself. He doesn’t want to hurt Blaine, who he notices is struggling with everything. It comes to ahead at a date night they’re having together. Blaine makes a very rich dinner that Kurt doesn’t really feel like eating because it sounds too heavy for him. They agree on getting something to go and going to see a movie. When Kurt opens up Blaine’s laptop, however, the porn website Blaine was visiting is there to see. Kurt is a little hurt because well isn’t he enough for Blaine sexually? They haven’t had sex in a week. It gets a bit more physical in Stage Combat class when Blaine starts going at Kurt while fencing. Later, at the loft, the two of them have it. Blaine admits that he feels like he and Kurt are competing against each other, and he feels like he’s losing. He says that he liked it when Kurt paid attention to him and want for him for protection. Now it feels like Kurt is having this amazing new life, and Blaine is no longer apart of it. He’s scared that Kurt will wake-up and realize that he doesn’t love Blaine anymore. Kurt tells him that he’s being crazy because he loves Blaine. He also tells Blaine that if this is a race, he would want to run it together then against him. Also Kurt wants a relationship of equals and not to have a power struggle between the two of them. They reaffirm their relationship and that they love each other.
Let’s Wait (I Wanna Know Your Love): Sam and Mercedes relationship is taking off. Still, as with any relationship, Mercedes feels the need to set her boundaries early on. She confesses to Sam that she’s still a virgin and that she’s not ready for sex right now. Sam tells her that’s okay, and he’ll respect her decision. Yet, like with many a teenage boy, it does spark sex on the mind. He gets tested for STD’s so he knows that he’s going into this relationship with a clean bill of health and shares his status with Mercedes. Mercedes, meanwhile, is still struggling. Does she have sex now? Or does she wait until the moment feels right? She goes to church to pray on the issues and has a talk with Rachel. Rachel tells her that it’s about love and connection with the other person. Once that happens, then everything else falls into place. That in mind, on a date with Sam, Mercedes worries about that he may be trying to get her in the mood. Sam tells her that no. He doesn’t work like that. Paying for dinner and taking care of a person is his way of telling them that he cares about them. Later, the two of them are starting to get intimate when Mercedes puts a stop to it. She tells Sam that she wants to wait until her wedding night because when she is vulnerable with someone she wants that to be for keeps. She wants it to be with someone that she loves and who loves her back. Sam, however, is unsure if he can do that for her because he’s still a teenager and has hormones like whoa. He goes off to think, and so does Mercedes. Mercedes comes home to find Sam, who has lit a hundred candles. He tells her that he loves her and that yes he respects her decision. He doesn’t need sex because Mercedes being Mercedes is better than sex. The two of them kiss. The next day, Mercedes tells Rachel about it. She also asks if Rachel has seen anyone yet. Rachel says no, not right now. That it’s hard to find someone when the person that you knew was your forever is gone. Maybe someday, she would like to be in a relationship or make the step. For now, however, she gets wants to focus on other things than boys.
Remember Kids, Safety First: Artie moves into the city and gets a bit wild. He’s released the sexual beast so to speak. Currently, he’s slept with two of his classmates: the Red Head and the Punk Rocker Chick. There is, however, a third girl, Julie, that he really likes a lot. Things get awkward, however, when his STD solidarity test comes back positive. He has chlamydia. After he gets chewed out by Sam for not wearing proper protection, Kurt and Blaine insist that he needs to tell his previous sexual partners. Artie mans up and does just that. Red Head yells at him and freaks out. Punk Rocker Chick takes it chill and says he may have gotten it from her. This is the exact moment that Julie comes up to him and says she would love to go on a date with him. On his date with Julie, Artie keeps feeling like everyone can see that he has it. He acts really awkward and tells her that he doesn’t want to have sex. Julie says that she wasn’t even thinking about sex. He goes to apologize to her for the awkwardness at school. He also confesses about his STD. Julie is more disgusted that he slept with those two girls, who she thinks are creepy, and calls Artie a creeper. Artie, as a consequence, decides to not date for awhile. That’s probably a very smart move.
Bec’s Corner of Babbling
I feel like, much with Holly Holiday, I should point out something here. I am not a fan of Klaine. I will say some stuff. Just ignore it if you like Klaine.
Wow. All of them in their sailor suits with the 1940’s narration is hilarious. Kurt’s salute is absolutely perfect. I can’t believe this was something that I just watched.
Did you seriously call your stomach the “tum-tum”? Wow that’s a little too much cronuts.
OHMYGOD KURT IS DOING PUSH-UPS IN HIS UNDERWEAR!
So Artie is popular because he’s an accidental hipster?
Wow. This is a pretentious film, Artie.
This is a really hot song sequence by the boy.
Damn Blaine. You finally realized that your boyfriend is not a baby penguin? And that he is legitimately talented? This must be hard for you.
Go Mercedes! Set your parameters and be honest with Sam!
DO NOT ROLL YOUR EYES AT THE ELI C COMMENT BLAINE! YOU CHEATED ON KURT WITH HIM! GO IN THE CORNER!
Yeah. If you test positive, then you need to tell them the truth here. Also did no one learn anything from Quinn’s pregnancy?
The two different reactions from two different girls is totally realistic. Now you need to tell the new girl about it.
Oh God Sam…please be good here. Well at least you were responsible and told her the truth, Sam. But yeah for some girls it’s about the emotion then the physical act.
Can Foreigner be sung in church? Because that is awesome. I want to go to that church. Awww look at Samcedes being cute! Hot damn, Amber, your voice!
Mmmmm! Shirtless Kurt and sai sword spinning! Aww baby I love that you feel comfortable in your skin.
Blaine, close your damn porn! That’s like Rule 1.
I like this Rachel with Mercedes. The two of them being friends is really sweet.
Wow. Kurt’s arms are really great. THIS SONG IS AWESOME WITH THE CHOREOGRAPHED FIGHTING! OhmyGod I love this. This is the best thing ever.
Damn son that fencing was amazing. And kind of hot. That was really hot.
God I love Samcedes. Damn Artie and Mercedes sound good together.
Julie looks confused by this sudden singing. God I hope this is a fantasy sequence.
You go, Mercedes! Set the boundaries and stick by your guns!
How is the band? Sorry. Intense moment. Hell yeah Kurt mark you place as his equal! Wow. Another adult conversation about places in relationship.
Well then you are at square one, Mister Abrams.
“Hearing you sing is better then sex” is really sweet for Sam. God Samcedes is so totally sweet.
Wow. I like the Rachel and Mercedes friendship. Mercedes makes everyone a better person.
“Addicted To Love” sung by Artie Abrams: I am always for a Kevin McHale solo. I think he has an awesome voice. Although, I do wonder if this is really similar to the original music video. I don’t really like it when the show does stuff like that. I prefer something fresher in the performances then that. Kevin McHale carries the song well though. His voice sounds great here. B
“I Want To Know What Love Is” sung by Mercedes Jones: Amber Riley takes me to church every single time. She sang Foreigner in church. I love it. I love everything about this. I love her. I am so glad she is here. Keep. Her. On. The. Show. A-
“Love Is A Battlefield” sung by Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson: As always, Darren Criss and Chris Colfer have that amazing vocal chemistry. It’s nice to hear it in a more combative setting character wise. It kind of ramps it up to another level and makes it really hot. I also love the choreographed fight sequences. It just brought a whole other level to the proceedings. Excellent. It really was excellent. And I’m saying this as someone who doesn’t like Klaine. A
“Let’s Wait Awhile” sung by Mercedes Jones and Artie Abrams: While Amber and Kevin do sound great together, this was the weakest song of the episode. I get what they’re doing. I understand what people want to do here. It just doesn’t come together in a satisfying way. C
Next week, Funny Girl opens on Broadway. Sue Sylvester is here to conquer the world and watch Rachel choke. I think we all pretty much know how Rachel’s Broadway debut is going to end though. So this will leads to the recapper wanting to get soundly drunk.
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