Once Upon A Time’s Zelena Finds “It’s Not Easy Being Green”

Photo courtesy of ABC
Photo courtesy of ABC

Beware the green-eyed monster, Oncers, or in this case, the green-skinned one. Tonight Zelena upped her bid for craziest villain on Once yet by taking her sister head on in a fight and daring to wear Regina’s signature color. The battle itself wasn’t nearly as exciting though as the forward progress we got in the Regina/Robin Hood department. Still, we did discover just why Zelena is on the warpath against Regina and Rumple: because “It’s Not Easy Being Green.”

What you need to know:

Identity crisis: An Oz couple finds baby Zelena after a green twister deposits her on the yellow brick road. As a young woman, Zelena storms out after her father, who is disgusted by her magic, calls her wicked and reveals she’s not really his daughter. She visits the Wizard of Oz and learns Cora abandoned her and she has a half-sister. Zelena quickly grows jealous when she sees Rumple teaching Regina magic. In return for her promise that she’ll bring the Wizard something magical from the Dark One, he gives her silver slippers that transport her to the Enchanted Forest. After deciding she is indeed Cora’s daughter, Rumple takes Zelena to the forest to begin training her so that she, and not Regina, can cast his Dark Curse.

Sister, sister: Just like with Cora, he teaches her to fuel her magic with hatred, in this case, the resentment she has for her sister. But he also adds she must learn to reign in her hatred with a happy thought. Zelena’s a natural, her only weakness stemming from her growing jealousy of Regina, something that is literally turning her green with envy. She tries to off her sister Sweeny Todd style and in turn ruins her chances to be Rumple’s chosen one. Even angrier and more jealous than before, Zelena says her magic slippers could’ve taken Rumple to his “land without magic” but now she’ll be devoting her life to getting back at him. She clicks her heels back to Oz where she transforms the Wizard aka Walsh into a flying monkey upon learning he’s a fraud who happens to have magical artifacts.

Witch fight: The Wicked Witch storms in after Neal’s funeral in Granny’s to give Regina the sister-sister reveal again and to challenge her to a duel at sundown. In the mean time, Regina finds a letter in her vault confirming Zelena’s sisterly status, and, as we learn later, indicating the Wicked Witch is more powerful than the Evil Queen. At sundown, Zelena and her pet Dark One arrive to find all of Storybrooke has circled. Regina gets in a slap and a few barbs but her older sis has the upper hand magically. Good thing the Queen is missing what Zelena really wanted: her heart. “Our mother taught me one thing,” Regina sneers. “Never bring your heart to a witch fight.” Zelena goes full tilt crazy in Regina’s face, and then summons her broom to fly off into the night.

This heart of mine: Earlier in Granny’s, Regina and Tink had a whisper-fight about Robin being the Queen’s true love. Regina doesn’t think now’s the time for her love life and Tink thinks Regina is an idiot. The archer glides over to sweetly suggest he and Regina get a drink some other time, to which she nods noncommittally. They later run into one another in the forest, where he astutely remarks that she likes him because if she didn’t, he’d be “burnt to a crisp.” Charmed by his honesty, she lets him read the letter Rumple wrote about Zelena. After the battle, Regina finds Robin in the forest again, this time to retrieve her heart, which he was literally guarding! Despite his protests of being a thief, she asks him to keep her heart safe, saying “[you] can’t steal something that’s been given to you.” Oh and she agrees to have that drink sometime. Squeee!!

Timey-wimey: Back in her cellar, Rumple swears to Zelena that even if he had to do it all over again, he’d still pick Regina. She, in turn, reveals she’s not casting a new curse but instead she’s going to change the past. Back in Oz, Zelena lets her envy consume her, turning her green for real and swearing to go back in time to prevent Regina from ever being born.

Fairy Dust

Hook is doing his hardest to stay in Emma’s good graces, even offering to keep Henry safe while the witches battle it out. The pirate tries to connect with the boy by teaching him to use a sextant and when that fails spectacularly, Hook tells an edited version of his history with Neal that is met with more success. This swashbuckler grows more and more appealing every week, Oncers.

Tink to Regina about fumbling her chance at true love again, “Didn’t you learn anything about the last time you screwed this up?”

Emma, after Hook offers to talk to Henry: “About what? Leather, conditioner and eyeliner?”

Regina, about her sister, “I think my mother would’ve told me if she’d had a love child with the scarecrow.”

Since she’s always the brains in any operation, Regina points out Zelena is collecting ingredients for a spell: Charming’s courage, Regina’s heart, etc. In response, my viewing companion suggested, “Maybe she took Snow’s brain.”

Explaining why he’s the thing Zelena loves most, Rumple quips, “I have that affect on women.”

Because they know what we really want, next week Once gives us an episode devoted to our swaggering Captain Hook. Might we be in for round two of a Captain Swan kiss? Fingers crossed

Stephanie Coats