One hundred episodes.
Six hundred and twenty-five songs.
Twenty-four various members of New Directions.
I am not even going to attempt to count the various hook-ups in this club. I do not have the brainpower for that. If I did have that brainpower? Then I would be trying to apply it to something much more useful.
So hello my Gleeks!
It’s been a hundred episodes of Glee. It’s strange but it feels like a lot longer than a hundred have past us by. I mean that in both a good and bad way.
Glee is emotion: unfettered and wild. It tugs at our heartstrings. It makes us care. It makes us angry as all hell. It makes us despair. The emotional landscape, both real and forced, is what binds us to the show. It’s double-edged sword of wanting to see the characters succeed and be happy yet simultaneously wanting them to fail for a more compelling story.
For good and for bad, Glee has become part of my life and part of the cultures lives. It’s one of those shows that we may show to our kids someday. The various stars are striving toward their own careers. The show itself is eyeing its final bow. I have no clue what I’m going to write when that happens.
For now, however, let us honor the show and the legacy and the characters that it has given us. The one thing that I don’t think that anyone can fault Glee on is the passion that it ignites in its fans for good and for bad.
So let us raise our glasses and proclaim to never stop believing as we recap “100.”
Defying Expectations (Mercedes And Rachel Want The Star): Mercedes and Rachel open the episode with a joint voiceover lamenting the fact that McKinley doesn’t seem to give two shits that they have achieved fame virtually unheard of with two nineteen-year-olds. They also want to settle the old score between them of which one is more talented. Now ladies, I think you’re both pretty and have basically won at life so this whole contest seems forced. Anyway, Rachel and Mercedes have decided on the tried and true way of a diva off. They are really, really invested in this diva-off because even though they have achieved just so much success they still feel like the high schools outcasts that they always were. They even try to lobby the voters: the glee club members. Anyway, before the voting commences, Santana, still pissed at Rachel, lets out her traditional venom laced barrage of anger and hate. She also reveals that she and Quinn lied about prom queen results. Rachel leaves the room in tears and Mercedes follows her into the bathroom. The two of them talk about how they still feel like they are in high school despite their success. Mercedes tells Rachel that she uses those people who made her feel small to motivate her. While Rachel shares that she always saw it as her and Mercedes against the rest of the haters. Mercedes tells her that it was never them against the world and that they can still be friends and have a friendly rivalry. Ultimately, they need to bask in their fame. So when they come back to the choir room all buddy buddy, they are happy that the vote comes to a tie.
Valerie And I (Brittany’s Genius Gets Too Much): Brittany kind of hates her position at MIT. Despite the fact that she is apparently a highly gifted math prodigy and has scientists studying her brain, she just doesn’t feel connected with the world anymore. Santana, refusing to see the girl she is still in love with yet broke up with her for her own good in the dumps, hatches a plan to make her feel better. She reunites with the Unholy Trinity for a performance that was so sexy it made me shout for a threeway. Brittany, however, notices that her dance timing is off and is ready to call it quits. Santana encourages her to follow her passion and not conform to the pressure of some eggheads. With another high dance number, she convinces Brittany that yes she is amazing as long as she doesn’t overthink things. Later, the two of them eat churros and have a talk about following their happiness. Brittany kisses Santana, who stops her because yeah the writers may have forgotten Dani but we haven’t. Since Demi Lovato’s contract is over, however, it’s something that is going to happen. Brittany tells Santana that she has seen the world, and all Brittany wanted was Santana. Next episode, Santana is more than likely going to break up with Dani offscreen (because again Demi Lovato had limited number of episodes) and say yes to Brittany.
Toxic Love (Hold On To That Love): Puck is back everyone! He is back, and there is someone that he wants. Who you may ask? Puck wants to try the relationship with Quinn (again). Quinn is back with a douche-tastic boyfriend who is played by Gossip Girl Hottie. Gossip Girl Hottie is old apple (the fruit) money and is really just kind of how you imagine every preppy guy at an Ivy League to be. He wants to learn more about Quinn’s past, but well… Quinn’s various stages of crazy are probably not what old apple money want in their family. Puck tells her that she shouldn’t have to hide who she is. He says that, in the end, she needs to embrace her past and what it means in order to be herself. Quinn ends up telling Gossip Girl Hottie about her very, very sordid past. He, rather predictably, freaks out and starts to call her unacceptable names. Quinn twists his nose to cause him pain. Puck punches him in the face and tosses him in the dumpster to cause him more pain. Later, Quinn finds him staring at Finn’s retired jersey hanging in the locker room. He asks her if she thinks that Finn had forgiven them for cheating. Quinn says she believed that he did, a long time ago, because Rachel was his soulmate. Puck asks if Gossip Girl Hottie is her soulmate. Quinn says that of course he isn’t, he was only on for one episode. Puck says that he knows who his soulmate is with a meaningful look at her direction. He also says that he may leave town, but if she asks him to stay he will. He tells Quinn that he will always love her before leaving. Quinn runs after him and down the hall where she kisses him, and it was just actually really cute, okay?
Hope Is A Demon Bitch (Or April Rhodes): April Rhodes, everyone’s favorite hot mess, is back, y’all! She and Will have also cooked up a plan to save the glee club because since she is funding it then she calls the shots. Especially since she’s even richer due to her latest romantic entanglement. Or is she? Sue Sylvester smells something rotten in the state of Ohio. With a quick search on Wikipedia, she is able to find out the truth. The glee club has run through the two million April has given them on expensive sets that no one sees but them and costumes that are only used once. April was also the mistress to Bernie Madoff, so nearly everything she had is frozen because well Bernie Madoff is in jail. She also shouldn’t have left the state of New York, apparently. Will is furious that she gave him hope when she had none to give. April, in an effort to make amends, uses what little non-frozen money she had to fly in Holly Holliday from a jail cell in Argentina. Why was she in a jail cell in Argentina? Apparently you need to be asked to teach before going in and teaching classes. It’s a rule people have. The two of them watch as Will gives the old glee club one final speech at the new resting place of Lillian Adler’s and Finn Hudson’s plaques in the auditorium. He tells them that he has no more lessons to give but that they are forever bonded by their experiences. Ultimately, Will starts to cry and the original members of the club give him a group hug. Up in the rafters, April and Holly watch and vow that, after finishing their wine, they are going to save this club.
Bec’s Twisted Inner Monologue
Okay. So let me make this clear, I really hate goddamn Holly Holliday. It’s deep-seated and true. So I apologize to any Holly Holliday fans if I start spastically cursing. I will, as always, attempt to keep a lid on my anger. It may be hard though. Yeah you want to watch funny stuff next week? Come back and watch me try to fairly grade Holly’s solo.
Can this not be about you two Mercedes and Rachel?
SOMEONE GODDAMN GIVE PUCK SOMETHING OF FINN’S! Also…did Will ever give back the letterman jacket?
April Rhodes I love you. You are so inappropriate and lovely. Have all the sexual misadventures on your island.
Will and April singing makes me so happy inside. Yeah the Warblers did it but oh God that was such a bad song choice for them. Also spontaneous choir room choreography.
PUCK I LOVE YOU!
Everyone say hi to Chace Crawford. He’s going to be a jackass this episode but he’s very pretty.
Brittany the accidental mathematical genius was something I saw happening. I’m still convinced this was in a fanfic.
This…This is really, really hot. Like really hot. Are they going to have a threeway now? I am totally fine with that happening. This was…so hot. Don’t make excuses for him Quinn. Go have three-way sex with Santana and Brittany!
FONDUE FOR TWO! Oh yes. I love the nod of Amber’s Dancing With The Stars stint and Rachel’s inhumanly impossible schedule.
I love Mike’s introduction: “Mike Chang, Asian Dancer.” That pretty much sums up who he was in New Directions. I love you Harry Shum Jr.
I hope Kurt wins. You both are nuts. Poor Kurt gets the shaft here. You both are insanely successful in the real world. You don’t need this. The meta humor is good tonight with April being like “that should be on the Broadway.”
Heh. Kiki is back. Also Brittany playing living chess is awesome.
Kitty looks like she is sooo done with this shit. YOU BOTH HAVE WON AT LIFE! STOP THIS!
April, I love you. You are saying exactly what I am thinking regarding that whole teen marriage thing.
MIKE DANCING IS ALL MY LIFE NEEDS! MIKE AND JAKE DANCING WITH SANTANA AND BRITTANY ARE WHAT MY LIFE NEEDED!
Wow. You are so trying to make that move on Quinn, aren’t you Puck? Oh wow she’s getting super emotional and the old choreography for this song. I’m getting emotional a bit because I am a nostalgic softie.
Yeah Santana awfulness is something that happens. But it is kind of amazing how much of Rachel’s triumphs happened because someone felt bad, threw the competition, or some random series of coincidences happen to get her there.
Aww Mercedes and Rachel hugging is rather sweet.
Soooo that’s where all the money came from for all the extravagant glee club performances…
Ooooooooh snap. Yeah it’s not a New Directions moment until a fight happens and someone is thrown into the dumpster.
It’s like Rachel and Mercedes grew up a little bit.
Oh. God. Hi Holly Holliday. Yeah the fact that there is a New Directions Guests Facebook Page doesn’t surprise me. Also BRING BACK MATT BOMER DAMMIT. I hate you so much, Holly.
Also why are the ex-adult compatriots of New Directions ex-cons?
Wow. That is some…actual legitimate relationship stuff. FUCK YES! KISS! KISS!
Will’s speech is also really getting to me and making me cry. Finn and Miss Adler’s new home.
No. I don’t think you are but thanks for trying to make me feel better.
“Raise Your Glass” sung by April Rhodes, Will Schuester, and Old/New Directions: YES! Look. I’m sorry Warblers fans, but “Raise Your Glass” was not a great song to give to the Warblers. So I’m thrilled to see it covered with the New Directions. April and Will have amazing chemistry as always. Seriously, I want Kristin Chenoweth and Matthew Morrison to release their own album of duets. Anyway, it’s appropriately funny and sweet as the members of New Directions past and present get up to dance. B+
“Toxic” sung by The Unholy Trinity: Wow. Um…wow. That…that was something. Um it was…something. I liked the arrangement with the violins and the almost tango flair the song had. Dianna Agron, Naya Rivera, and Heather Morris were amazing in this song. It was also the hottest song the show has ever done. Like wow. It was insanely hot. I also loved how it was shot. Um yeah…go watch this. Go watch this and wonder how they got this pass the censors. A
“Defying Gravity” sung by Kurt Hummel, Mercedes Jones, and Rachel Berry: I know this was the big diva-off competition song thing. Eh. It was okay. Amber sounded good which is great because sometimes she’s hit or miss with Broadway songs. Lea sounded good. I think I wanted more Chris? Because it just seems to weird have him there and not use him? At least have him show that he can hit the note that he threw! I would have loved to see that. Yeah. This was alright but ultimately kind of useless. C+
“Valerie” sung by Santana Lopez and Brittany Pierce: I loooooved the dancing. It was so fun and lively and energetic. Naya sounded amazing on this song, which should not be a surprise. She killed this in season two. The added Heather Morris was a great touch. But really? This was about the dancing. The dancing was fantastic just absolutely fantastic. A-
“Keep Holding On” sung by Noah Puckerman: Oh. Mark Salling, I have missed your lovely voice. He just sounded really good here. It was just kind of moving? It was also great to see the old choreography brought out. It just gave me season one feels and I like those feels. Also I like Mark Salling’s voice and thought he needed more solos when he was a regular. A-
“Happy” sung by Holly Holliday, Will Schuester, April Rhodes, and Old/New Directions: I really don’t like Holly Holliday but I like this song. Gwyneth Paltrow was pretty good with the song. I just loved how it made the choir feel. It needed some happiness in there. I just like watching them get up and dance and be silly. Again, it gives me season one feels. I like those feels. I wish there was some more diversity in the song, but that’s pretty much it. B+
Come back next week as we see the seniors graduate and prepare to say goodbye to Lima.