Everyone recovered from that super dramatic and explosive imploding of the Pezberry friendship in “Frenemies”? Like seriously, that was a duck and cover moment.
Honestly though the only person I feel bad for in that situation is Kurt. Though this is the result of becoming friends with divas…especially divas with past history of animosity.
Anyway, this week it’s all about trios.
We have the trio of the only sane people in the New York plotline (Elliott, Kurt, and Dani). We have a trio of graduating seniors (Blaine, Tina, and Sam). We have a duo trying to become a trio (Will and Emma). We also have a weird three-way feud where Santana and Rachel fight over Elliott.
Why Elliott you ask? Why not Kurt, who is friends with both of them and would be the more logical candidate for them to fight over? Answer is always that Glee takes your logic and makes confetti out of it.
I was going to say something crass. Out of respect to the children reading this (and dear God children, you should not be reading this) I won’t.
Right so grab the other two thirds of your trio and your best eighties/nineties mixtape. It’s going to get multiple in here.
Baby Making Music (Let’s Have A Family): Will and Emma, who are married in case you forgot, decide that it’s high time for some baby making. So, as is tradition, they decide to jump on each other like rabbits when the ovulation time is right. This leads to a lot of class discussions about the Donner Party. Let’s face it; high school students want to talk about cannibalism. Anyway, Becky catches Will and Emma in passion’s embrace in the janitor’s closet. Which is bad form, someone should have locked that door. Becky is mentally scarred. So Sue yells at Emma and Will for having sex in the janitor’s closet. She also looks a bit sick when she learns about their baby making plans. Emma is feeling a bit discouraged about not getting pregnant. So Will offers to set up a treatment for a fertility doctor. Sue and Beiste, in their own distinct ways, point out that this is a bad move. Emma is already a tense person naturally. He needs to focus on relaxing her over everything else if they want to get pregnant. So with some Kenny Loggins, painting, and romantic comedies, Emma and Will try again. At the end of the episode, Emma reveals to Will that she is pregnant. Yes she verified, Will. Unlike Terri, Emma doesn’t have an insane and evil sister bent on destroying you. Plus, she won’t fake a pregnancy.
Don’t You (Get Caught In The Heat Of The Moment): SENIORS ARE GRADUATING! Praise the Lord! God this has been going on forever. So Tina, Sam, and Blaine have formed a Senior Trio of specialness. No Artie allowed because he’s dating a junior who is a reformed evil cheerleader. Tina is overly emotional and crying, which, I suppose, is a step up from being a gigantic bitch so hey, I’ll take what I can get. In order to stop the waterworks, Sam and Blaine suggest a Senior Lock-In. Blaine remembers that he’s Student Council President and makes it happen. Sue, however, cancels the event because of budget issues. So in order to stop the crying, Blaine and Sam propose their own Super Special Trio Senior Lock-In. Why? Well it’s a valid reason because they will grow apart. Tina hasn’t talked to Rachel in months. Sam hasn’t talked to Puck and Mike in just as long. So Blaine dons the Nightbird outfit, and they all sneak in through the choir room window. Because, you know, breaking and entering is something you do. Then Becky crashes the party to make them drink energy shots and play Twister with her. In order to get away from Becky and walk off a cramp, Blaine stumbles around and walks in on Sam and Tina making out. He is disgusted at the sight. The audience is disgusted at the uncomfortable close-ups of Tina and Sam groping. So Blaine yells at Tina and Sam for ruining their special night with their dumb heterosexual urges. The next day, Tina and Sam attempt to apologize to Blaine for making out and ruining their night. Blaine, however, is in prime hissy fit because he had to witness it, and his fiancé is in New York singing duets with Adam Lambert and swinging on a pole. Also if he wanted to watch an odd couple make-out, he would have just gone bumper bowling with Artie and Kitty. Because, no joke, Blaine loves bumper bowling. The trio makes up. They also invite Artie to join their trio to become a quartet since they have virtually ignored him this episode.
The Happening (The High School Drama Needs To Stop): Rachel is happy as can be, considering she forced Elliott to give up his bed and run her errands for her. She’s away from that negative energy and has a new best gay. Elliott resents the term because he is not a fashion accessory. Still, one duet later, and it looks like Rachel is going to be roomies with Elliott. Elliott, however, finds himself caught in a Pezberry Conflict as Santana sets her sights on him to steal him from Rachel/piss her off. This leads to a very intense song sequence at the spotlight diner. After the number, Elliott pretty much tells them that they are both petty, and he refuses to be used as some kind of pawn in their high school mind games. He threatens to quit the band because he is not going to live like this. Kurt, desperate to keep the only other sane friend he has, tries to mediate the peace between the pair. Eventually, Kurt gives up and calls them out on their petty backstabbing bullshit. They are not in high school anymore, and they should act like the grown ass women they are. So, with the votes of Dani (who they remembered exists) and Elliott, he kicks them out of the band. He does, however, invite them to the new band’s first performance. The day after seeing the new band perform, Santana and Rachel actually have a somewhat civil conversation. They both admit that the other is the only friend they have in New York. Santana is honest about taking the opportunity and seizing it, which if the situations were reversed would be what Rachel would do too. Dani, Kurt, and Elliott enter the apartment, interrupting the tentative mending. Kurt asks them to stay and watch them rehearse. Rachel makes her excuses. Santana makes hers as well. Elliott says when they get their shit together, they should rejoin the band. Pezberry leaves the new band to rehearse together.
The Linear Progression of Bec’s Thoughts
To discourage a desperate grab from comfort chocolate, I am nibbling on carrots and cucumbers. I wonder how long it will take for me to grab the chocolate.
I love you snarky meta narrator.
Oh wow. I forgot that Will was teaching history. Cannibalism! That’ll keep them distracted for a quickie!
This whole scene is utterly hilarious. Just all of it.
Oh yeah. This is…this is clearly the right group to sing about going to clubs. Well Sam makes sense. The whole stripper thing…
NECKBRACE CHEERIO SIGHTING! Side note: Marley’s dress is super pretty.
Poor Artie is on the outside this week.
Well that’s the weirdest reason to keep a band around ever. Really? I don’t think…you still go to school at NYADA? The director gets you a full band on your off time as well.
THEY DID NOT KICK YOU OUT! YOU LEFT! OhmyGod you are totally walking all over the sweet guy. Elliott you are too nice to her.
Wow Rachel you are totally steamrolling this poor guy. Elliott stay strong!
Side note: Damn Lea Michele’s legs are amazing. Also I love Elliott’s sassy hat. The band is definitely enjoying this way more than doing all of Funny Girl for some random diva.
Seriously. Jenna is amazing for crying on cue like that. Just all the time she does it.
Wow. I really don’t want to hear about how Michael Bolton impregnated Sue.
Oh hi Darren. You are very silly. At least he gets to wear the costume again.
Emma good on you for promoting safe sex. HOLY SHIT SAM IS CROSSDRESSING! He looks very nice. And he’s skating in it. Seriously nice legs Evans.
Is that popcorn box real? It looks fake. I’m not saying because I find this really sweet.
OH WHAT THE HELL?! Yes! Nurse Penny! What happened? No! ANSWER MY QUESTIONS SHOW!
Wow. This is just ugly. KURT AND ELLIOTT AREN’T TOYS TO PASS AROUND YOU STUPID CHILDREN! They are acting like five-year-olds. Oh this is just…so awkward to watch.
Seriously I have to wonder about the sanitation of people walking on tables for a diner. Yes. Elliott. Go to Kurt he is the only other sane one here. THANK YOU ELLIOTT!
Wow Blaine you are acting like a jilted lover. Chill out dude. Don’t make it about you. It was gross but yeah just accept it.
HELL YEAH KURT! KICK THEM OUT KURT! Wow. People remembered Dani. Seriously such a waste of Demi Lovato.
OhmyGod One Three Hill! I love it. Can the New York stuff just be about Dani, Elliott, and Kurt with their whacky misadventures?
Are Rachel and Santana having a genuine moment of human emotion and connection? Wow they let Dani speak! Demi is so charming and sweet.
If you wanted the perfect senior year Blaine then you wouldn’t have cheated on Kurt to begin with. He keeps opening the door.
Thank you for remembering Artie!
I’m sorry. I can’t listen to this song with a straight face. Why? Thanks to “Chow Down.” Where are the waffle fries?
Hi random hobo drinking next to Santana.
Can we just have a show of One Three Hill’s whacky adventures in New York? OhmyGod Santana’s hobo is rocking out next to her. Seriously that guy is awesome. Can he come back?
HELL YEAH! Good on you for double-checking that it’s real Will.
“Jumpin’ Jumpin” sung by Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, and Blaine Anderson: Um. It’s alright. Actually if there was a song that I think Artie should have been included on, then it’s this. Kevin McHale would have sounded better here. For what it is? Eh. It was fine. I didn’t hate. It just didn’t get me jumpin’ either, which is a shame because I do like this song a lot. B-
“Barracuda” sung by Rachel Berry and Elliott Gilbert: Adam Lambert, just take me now. It was amazing. Seriously you put two big voices like Lea Michele and Adam Lambert in a room together and tell them to rock the hell out. They will rock and sing your face off. It was glorious and sexy and big in voices. I loved it. I really did love it. I still like last week’s duet better with Adam and Chris. But this? Holy shit this is definitely another top duet for season five. Can Elliott just stay? A+
“Don’t You (Forget About Me)” sung by Tina Cohen-Chang, Sam Evans, and Blaine Anderson: This one was fun. It was silly. It was sweet and nostalgic. It also had Chord Overstreet crossdressing. I enjoyed it. Again though, it just seemed kind of there. It’s hard to do a lot with the song because it is very mellow and quiet. I just wanted something a bit more. B
“Danny’s Song” sung by Will Schuester and Emma Pillsbury-Schuester: Yeah see this is what I mean by taking a mellow song and doing more with it. You can hear the utter love for the child that hasn’t even been conceived yet in Will’s voice along with his love for his wife. It’s just a really nice number that show two people who love each other very much be together. Jayma Mays and Matthew Morrison always sound great together. A-
“Gloria” sung by Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez, and Elliott Gilbert: HOLY FUCK! I mean…HOLY FUCK! Lea Michele, Naya Rivera, and Adam Lambert…are amazing enough to bring a tear to my eye. They all sound great. The energy is fucking amazing. Seriously this woman had to have had the best birthday ever with this song. I just want more of this in my life. A++
“The Happening” sung by Kurt Hummel, Elliott Gilbert, and Dani No Name: Another one I adored! Demi Lovato, Chris Colfer, and Adam Lambert just sound great on this fun little Supremes number. They also each get a moment to shine. They also look adorable in their matching suits. It was just a very happy song. I like music that makes me feel good. It was fantastic. I smiled all the way through it. A+++
“Hold On” sung by New Directions Seniors, One Three Hill, Rachel Berry, and Santana Lopez: I kept thinking of drag queens during this song. Sorry I did. Then Santana’s new hobo friend was dancing. Um…the song was good. I didn’t hate it. I liked seeing One Three Hill singing together. I loved Santana’s dancing hobo friend. Rachel sitting there looking forlorn was also nice. The New Directions stuff? That was kind of weird for the backdrop. Overall though, it was good. B+