Hannah is still grieving over the unknown status of her book, errmm I mean her editor David, while trying to play Dr. Phil to Adam and Caroline. Jessa is working on bettering herself, while Marnie is edging closer to crazy cat lady territory.
Adam and Hannah attend David’s funeral and find out some startling information. For starters, David is not gay, he has a wife. But he had all the gay apps on his phone! Also he had a thing for disturbed chubby girls, his wife mistakes Hannah for one of David’s other writers Paige, who has Tourette Syndrome and is battling obesity.
Post funeral Hannah gives her condolences to David’s wife one more time. She is quick to admit that everyone assumed he was gay, and in fact, he was sometimes. Hannah just nods and is doing a good job at being sympathetic, that is until David’s wife mentions that all of his projects have been dropped from Mill Street. Hannah begins badgering her for information and goes as far as asking for the name of any other publishers that she may know… Hannah quickly becomes the most classless person in the room.
Back at home Adam and Caroline are sparring over eggs while Hannah lands herself an interview with a new publisher. Feeling pretty good she decides to play Dr. Phil for the quarreling siblings. Adam goes first and expresses that he hates that Caroline has no idea what she wants to do with her life and lacks any sort of drive. Hannah chimes in and mentions that it sounds like he is explaining himself. He gets upset and accuses Hannah of siding with Caroline. She disagrees, but then whispers that she’ll always have his side while Caroline listened on.
It’s Caroline’s turn to vent and she first accuses her brother of always thinking that she’s inept and insane. When he denies that she kicks it up a notch and claims that all of his aggression towards her is due to his repressed sexual desires for her. With that Adam loses it and the once verbal argument becomes physical.
Hannah watches and eventually gets their attention and actually uses her self-involvement for good. She explains that as an only child all she ever wanted in life was a sibling. They have each other and they shouldn’t take that for granted. They apologize to each other and try to make nice.
Jessa is busy sorting through clothes and pontificating to Shosh, who has her head buried in a book. She really can’t understand why her friend would lie about her death. Finally Shoshanna can’t take it anymore and snaps. She is sick of Jessa sitting around watching Forensic Files all day and talking at her. She has to focus on studying because her wild days really did a number on GPA and well let’s face it she has to do better than her friends and family.
This resonates with Jessa, plus the whole Season thing, and she decides that she is on a mission to improve herself. She already invested in an electronic cigarette to kick that habit. Next is a job. She sees a help wanted sign in a children’s clothing store and she marches off determined to get it. Jessa feels she needs something with a bit of innocence.
Marnie on the other hand has seen no real improvement. If anything she’s getting worse. She called Hannah during her mediation session to tell her about the kitten she bought while heading out for a muffin. When Hannah expresses no interest in visiting she tells the kitten that it’s her best friend. Oh Marnie, pull yourself together girl.
She must have realized that she’s slowly losing it because she heads to Ray’s for a reality check. She asks him point blank to tell her what is wrong with her. It is exactly what she needs in order to start improving her life. Ray hesitates but then decides to let her have it.
She is extremely judgemental, did she notice that when she came in she not only insulted his placed but the neighborhood he lived in. Marnie also thinks her shit doesn’t stink. Yet gets highly offended when people don’t include her since they know that she’ll just look down on whatever they’re doing. She’s ridiculously uptight and a huge phony.
Marnie doesn’t take all of this very well but she asked for it. Ray tries to make amends and lets her know that regardless of that, he likes her. She is ultimately a good person and means well, but her insecurities get the best of her. They hug it out and in a surprising turn of events have sex on the kitchen table (it’s because she got the cat). The post cotial awkwardness was pretty unbearable and to top it off when Ray asks her to keep it on the down low she laughs and retorts with “you think I’d advertise this”. Oh Marnie, will you ever learn?
Hannah has her meeting with the publishing company. They love the book! They go as far as comparing her to an edgier Mindy Kaling (they’re friends in real life. I ship it). The only catch is, they don’t publish e-books so would she be ok with it being a hard copy. She is absolutely thrilled with the turn of events and happily relays the information to her father.
He doesn’t have such great news. Apparently when her cousin Rudy went over her contract with Mill Street he found that since she was already paid for her book they own the rights for the next 3 years. Hannah is in disbelief and tries to discredit her cousins law degree.
Back at home Caroline tries to comfort her and Hannah isn’t having it. She lashes out at Caroline and is sick of just hearing her talk all the time. Her advice isn’t helping. All of her life stories are on hold for the next 3 years. Who knows if she’ll be able to write more, it may take her the next 25 years to accumulate that type of book-worthy stuff. It all comes to head and Hannah kicks Caroline out. After passing out on the couch she wakes up when Adam returns home asking where Caroline was. Hannah tells him what had happened and he flips. He was supposed to be taking care of her, how could Hannah do such a thing?! He takes off to go find Caroline.
It seems like things might get worse before they get better for the girls.